The Women's Freedom Network Newsletter January/February, 2001, Vol. 8, Number 1. The Advantages of Workplace and Campus Dating by Russell Eisenman  *

T here are several advantages to dating others at one's workplace or, in the case of university people, at one's campus. In recent times, feminists have made this seem like an almost criminal thing to do, and have succeeded in getting rules instituted to prohibit workplace or campus dating. I recently attended a Sexual Harassment Seminar, required of all employees at my university and throughout the Texas state system, in which workplace and campus dating were discussed as evils. The typical feminist sexual harassment ideology was followed, with consensual dating seen as sexual harassment, especially if it involved an older male and a younger female. This is most unfortunate, since there is much to be said for dating at the workplace or campus.

There are three clear-cut advantages to dating others in these settings. My third reason, below, stems from evolutionary psychology theory and findings, and is at odds with most feminist reasoning.

Advantages

1. For one thing, when we date people where we work or go to school, we are dating people we can get to know in a natural setting, over a period of time. We can make intelligent choices, as opposed to meeting someone in a bar, being fixed up on a blind date by a friend, etc.

2. Second, we have common interests. Common interests are very important. Social psychologist Donn Byrne has shown that attraction-not romantic attraction, but just being attracted to another-is often based on attitude similarity between the two. You are likely to hold at least somewhat similar attitudes if you have the same occupation, or work in the same setting, even if in different occupations.

3. Third, the very kind of situation which feminists condemn, older, more powerful men dating younger, less powerful women, is exactly what many prefer. According to evolutionary psychology theory, we all have a need to transfer our genes into future generations. Thus, men and women have different mating patterns, due to sex differences. Men are attracted to youth, health, and beauty, and would like to have sex with numerous women. This strategy, if carried out without birth control, would result in the greatest transfer possible of the man's genes into future generations. On the other hand, women, since they get pregnant, have a preference not for youth, health, and beauty, but for men with power, status, financial resources, and indications that the man will take care of her and her children.

David Buss, an eminent evolutionary psychologist at the University of Texas, has studied many societies around the world, and finds that men and women have these different mating strategies. Thus, generalizing from his findings, we see why women often prefer older men, and men often prefer younger women. And, we see why a boss might want to date his secretary, and the secretary would want to date her boss. We see why a professor might want to date one of his young students, and the young student might want to date her professor. Real, human needs are met by these dating arrangements.

I should point out something which evolutionary psychologists tend not to point out, at least not in my readings so far. The desire to transmit your genes into future generations is unconscious. For some reason, they tend not to use the word "unconscious." But, unconscious explains why people depart from behavior that would most successfully transmit their genes: people use birth control when not using it would be the most successful way to transmit genes. But, other needs conflict with the need to transmit genes, so the desire, say, not to have to support another child, results in the use of birth control. But, the basic kind of person we are attracted to is, nevertheless, based on our unconscious desire to pick the most appropriate partner who will successfully help us transmit out genes into future generations.

Disadvantages

Everything has advantages and disadvantages. There are two disadvantages to dating someone who is also in your workplace or campus.

1. Since you are both in the same setting, if things go bad in the relationship, you have the awkward situation of still seeing the other person, and perhaps having to deal with them on business matters. Many couples face a similar problem when they divorce yet still live in the same city. They run into each other and cannot always avoid the other. While this is not fun to deal with, I feel the advantages clearly outweigh this potential disadvantage.

2. This second disadvantage is riskier. Feminists have succeeded in virtually "criminalizing" dating someone at the workplace or campus, especially if there are power differentials between the two. Although evolutionary psychology theory would say this is just the kind of relationship that many men and women would prefer, feminist ideology has convinced many that such dating is evil. Rules are made against it in some places. In other instances, there are no rules, but, even so, one may be fired, or subjected to negative workplace sanctions for such dating. In the Sexual Harassment Seminar that we all had to attend, it was made clear that one should not date someone in one's office, and that doing so could lead to conflict of interests and/or sexual harassment charges. By the way, I do not think university administrators really care all that much about stamping out sexual harassment. I suspect the motivation is legally to insulate themselves and the university. If, after attending one of these seminars, a professor or employee is charged with sexual harassment, the state attorneys can say "Go after the employee, not the administration, or the university, or the state. We provided the right kind of training, so we are not liable."

What to Do?

My conclusion is that dating someone in the workplace or the campus is the most natural thing in the world. But, feminists have succeeded in causing rules to be passed, or, in the absence of rules, an ideology to prevail, that makes, especially, the man guilty of something terrible if he dates someone under these circumstances. On other occasions, a woman with power could be at risk, if she dated a subordinate.

The problem is similar to the dilemma of how to deal with a law that you think is absurd, but which may be enforced. For example, if you want to smoke marijuana, you may feel there is no reason you should not. But, doing so puts you at risk that an anti-marijuana law could be used against you, with possibly frightening consequences. So, it is up to the individual to decide whether or not to take the risk.

A professor at The College of William and Mary wrote a story-possibly fiction-about his having an affair with a student there. According to the Chronicle of Higher Education ("Article about faculty-student affair riles College of William and Mary," by Allison Schneider, Oct. 20, 2000, p. A16) many at the college are very upset with him for mentioning his alleged affair. This is the spirit of the times. The feminists have succeeded in making such relationships seem dirty, even though, years ago, they once supported them, as part of the liberation of women and the alleged smashing of the patriarchy. Now, they have changed their minds, and often have a Puritanical view of sex, especially heterosexual relations, and especially of men engaging in heterosexual behavior. It is crazy, but something to be taken into consideration, when deciding whether or not to defy feminist Puritanical sex taboos.